I'm a very passionate person so, yes, I'm guilty of being verbally abrasive when the situation calls for it. Chris and I are by no means a silent couple when it comes to overcoming problems. The volume of our yelling is also not indicative of the magnitude of the fight, but more about frustration that we can't get our point of view across. We vowed never to go to bed angry and after almost 4 years together, I think we've done a damn good job. The key is that no matter how much we "holler" at each other, the goal remains the same: understand one another.
Armed with the logic that communication (in even its loudest forms)is beneficial, I'm starting to battle why this concept seems to be taboo within our other relationships. Of all my current group of friends, I've never once had an argument- much less one that involved a good holler. Does this mean I get along with them better than my own husband? It kind of feels that way if you think about it, doesn't it? But of course, that's ludicrous. No, what it is starting to feel like is that the lack of disputes in any form is a sign that we aren't communicating properly at all. I'm starting to wonder if my friends are really just people I enjoy time with rather than people I have a relationship with. This realization is sad to me. When did being an adult make me feel so... reserved?
Not too long ago we had an unannounced visit to our home from some individuals we do not particularly wish to see, especially without any warning. (Um, hello, manners much?). It was one of those moments where we were smiling and engaging in forced conversation all the while stealing glances at each other as if to say "what the hell are they doing here?!". After making snarky remarks and even attempting to bad mouth someone we actually ARE fond of, they finally left. Chris and I both shared a good rant about how overwhelmingly rude it was for them to not even at least call first before planning an unpleasant visit. The more we agreed with one another about the audacity of some people, the more I realized something even more unsettling than the visit itself: they were probably skipping home thinking their visit with us was wonderful and that we want them over more often! And why wouldn't they think that?! We never once made an attempt to let them know what we were truly feeling. We never once even slightly hinted that we felt insulted. Instead, we retreated to the idea that we had to be grown-ups and handle the situation with dignity and kill them with kindness... you know, all THAT crap. Seriously, what is going to keep them from stopping by unannounced again? What's worse, did we positively reinforce their bad behavior by acting like everything was okay when, to us, it SO wasn't?
Is this really what being an adult is all about? Grinning like a jackass when you really want to scream? 'Cause quite frankly, guys, hollering at another kid in the sandbox who was pissing me off felt a lot more effective back then.
I asked Chris' opinion on the situation and, in true Chris fashion, he just shrugged and said "The drama that ensues just doesn't seem worth it". Well, thanks Captain Indifferent, I now look like a crazy person. Is it so wrong to think that communicating how we truly feel, no matter how ugly, is better than unannounced visits and fake conversations with "friends" we secretly talk bad about? Even if said communication ended in hollering of the most epic redneck proportions, wouldn't it be better than all these "adults" walking around like idiots thinking their actions aren't pissing us off? Well, it would be to me.
And if you don't believe me, go back to 1993 and ask "Icky Nicole" about the hollerin' she got out of me at car riders when she stole my boyfriend. Bet she didn't skip home thinking everything was dandy... just sayin'.
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