Beasts of Burden

Today, the dogs are driving me nuts. I've been cleaning up chewed up tennis ball pieces, bathing them after they got abnormally filthy at the dog park, and pulling socks out of sneaky sock thief mouths all day. Worst of all, Killian is acting out because Chris has been gone so long and when she's angry/disoriented/fed up, she pees. And not just sprinkles... PUDDLES. I've only just now gotten everything completely cleaned and everyone to sleep in their dog beds and away from me. All I can do now to not be so frustrated with them, is take a deep breath and look at the big picture of why their furry, no-rent paying asses are still here in the first place...

Now let's see...

In my house growing up, dogs are part of the family. They sleep with us, we take care of them, and we mourn them when they die. We even cremate them just like a real person. Nothing in the world will ever love you like a dog will... NOTHING. So, it was only natural that once Chris and I settled in to our first real place together, we'd get a dog. Thus came...




Killian.

She is the sweetest and smartest dog you'll ever meet. She "hugs" you when you are sad, cocks her head when she's confused, and has the most personality of any other dog I've ever known. She's laid back and never, ever aggressive. She adores Cole and gets as close to him on the couch as possible and watches cartoons. No really, she watches cartoons. I kid you not. No one could ever ask for a better dog.

After Killian turned a year old, I started feeling like my maternity clock was ticking. All women know what I'm talking about. It's as if one day, even though you may not be READY for a baby, a baby is ready for you. I couldn't get them off my mind! It was like being hungry but completely stuffed all at the same time. There's just no more room yet you can't stop wanting it. I started to really re-evaluate things and what our next move should be. And one day, what I needed to do finally hit me.

It was time to re-direct all those maternal instincts so that I could take care of something and feel needed. And then came...



Miles.

Miles is a little ball of energy and a HUGE Mama's boy. Exactly what I needed, right? I was never worried how Killian would take to the puppy since she has such a sweet disposition and I was 100% right. She LOVED the new puppy. So much, in fact, that I'd actually have to peel her off of him sometimes when he would try to sleep. She was a little jealous at first if he got handed a treat before she got hers or if he got let out of his crate before she did. Unfortunately, like I mentioned before, Killian pees to show her dissatisfaction in something. For all the great qualities she has, it was a long couple of weeks to try and see the good in her when we were constantly on our knees soaking up dog piss out of the rug. She has since adjusted (this week aside) to Miles and she doesn't even seem to mind anymore if he grabs his treat first before she gets hers. They play and chase each other all day. I don't know what Killian did before without him.



This week, however, she's had some sort of brain fart on exactly what she should and should not be doing. Like I said, this week has been a nightmare. Miles is teething so he's not just chewing everything, he's DESTROYING everything. He's pulled carpet fibers out of the floor and made little perfect, quarter-size holes. Tennis balls are torn into shrapnel of rubber and neon yellow fuzz and stuffed animals are exploding their innards all over the den. To top it all off, Killian for some strange reason has chose THIS week to be upset at how long Chris has been gone (its the ONLY explanation!) and has decided to reign her wrath of piss puddles everywhere.

Now, if you are thinking they may just be accidents, I assure you, they aren't. Killian is crate trained and is known to have a bladder that lasts upwards of 12 hours during long work days. She's also been potty trained since she was 10 weeks old. She has never, ever had an "accident". Of course we thought that at first when it started after we got Miles, but no, the vet said it's jealousy marking and they do it when they are mad. They get pissed off, your rug gets pissed on. And that's exactly what she's been doing. She's not trying to hide it from me either. She looks me dead in the eye, cops a squat, and runs away knowing full and damn well she's in trouble.

However, reminding myself of all the wonderful things about these beasts are actually making me feel better. I'm looking at Killian right now, curled up and looking back at me from her crate as if to say "sorry about the rug, dude, I'm just not happy at the moment" and Miles curled up fast asleep next to the guinea pig cage. No amount of pissy rugs or fuzz clogging up my vaccuum would make me forget that they are part of the family. The 2 hours it took me to clean is nothing compared to the countless hours curled up to me at night, growling quietly under her breath when she hears a disturbance. The love and security and overall compassion that these crazy mongrels have for us could never be replaced and will never be discarded. Nope, for better or worse, I'm stuck with them. My little beasts of burden.

Leavin' On a Jet Plane... Again

Chris travels for work. A lot. Like, 10-15 days out of the month. Sometimes we get lucky and have an off month, but for the most part, he's MIA around here. It isn't like we never get time together though because he works from home. In between his conference calls and vigorous emailing, we sit in our PJ's and play Halo in the middle of the afternoon so... yea, it balances out nicely. But it wasn't always that way...


We've been doing this about 3 years now and at first it was a huge adjustment. When you work a 9-5 job and you get offered a position with WAY more money AND you get to work from home, you're ecstatic. And we were. I was working as a nanny and we were just getting settled in a new place so it felt like a fun and fresh start to our new life. But all good things must come to an end... of course.

At the time we only had one car between the two of us and it was pretty worthless to me because I couldn't even drive the damn thing. It's a stick shift. Um... I get in accidents WITHOUT the added distraction of complexity. No thank you. So Chris would take the car to the airport and I'd be stranded at the house. Literally. The parents I nannied for would have to pick me up and I felt like a big ol' doofus for needing a ride. Not to mention, being stuck in the house knowing you can't go ANYWHERE is the absolute worse feeling in the world. Even worse was still adjusting to being apart and sleeping alone. So when he came home, I'd run into his arms in a tender embrace and we'd hold each other and talk about how much it sucked being apart...

...did you buy that? Good, 'cause it's Grade A bullshit. Let me tell you what really happened:

Me being the firecracker I am would take my anxiety about being stranded, my loneliness from sleeping by myself, and my disappointment at not being able to drive the stick shift and, while Chris was gone, I'd bottle it up in cute little jars. When he finally came home, I threw them right in his face like the emotional equivalent of a malakoff cocktail. Adjustment is not my strong-suit.


Now don't get me wrong, our fights weren't always about my own baggage, but his, too. It was a big job and he had a lot of new responsibilities. Our fights were just the a-typical "newly wed" fights where you are just learning to adjust to living AND loving another person. We stuck it out no matter how difficult because at the end of the day, there's nobody else in the world we'd rather be with than each other. The new job and the traveling and the adjustment was just one more obstacle. We did eventually, as all hurdles go, get over it.

I buckled down and learned how to drive a stick. (Coincidently, I'll never drive an automatic again. I'm hooked). He learned the ins and outs of traveling and what to expect and I learned how to take advantage of the time he's away to focus on myself. I'm back in school and he's loving his job more everyday. It took a while, but we made it through the hard part and now everything is just, well, life.


A friend of mine who just recently got married asked me how I handled Chris leaving so often for work because her new husband was gone for the first time and she was sad. I told her it was hard at first but that now we look forward to it because it helps us appreciate each other. I wondered why she asked since her husband works in retail and there's usually nothing to travel for in that profession. She said he was leaving for a couple days for a convention. A couple of days? I thought. Ha. Welcome to the minor leagues, girl.

An Ode to Emily's New Venture!

Do you guys remember a while ago when I blogged about being IN LOVE with people's mom blogs? Well one of my all time favorites (and the first I ever followed) is a high school classmate of mine, Emily Parker! Here's a link to her blog so you can see what I mean! http://emilyandzachparker.blogspot.com

Aside from her adorable son, Kye, I love to see pictures of her and her style. She's one of those fashion-savvy girls who can match her jewelry with her outfits and I ENVY that! Even though she always talks about saving money and working everything out on a tight budget, her style not only looks amazing to me, but expensive! I think every girl can admit that looking "expensive" is always key to looking classy and Emily pulls that off WITHOUT breaking the bank!

Well now that I'm done gushing about her, I have to tell everyone how excited I am about her new venture. She's becoming a stelladot.com consultant! If you've never been to www.stelladot.com, GO THERE NOW. (Make sure to click this link, though!: http://www.stelladot.com/emilyparker) That website and www.modcloth.com are my number one places for "window shopping" online. The jewelry is FABULOUS! And, like I said is SO great, it all looks expensive without having to be! Now that Emily has decided to become a consultant, I think my goal of achieving that classy, effortless style I've been going for will be MUCH more attainable now that I've got "someone on the inside" to help me with my jewelry needs!



Feel free to contact me or Emily directly (she's seriously the nicest person ever, don't be afraid to just go to her without knowing her!) if you have any more questions about how her new venture works. I'm sure she'd also love to answer any style questions, as well, since she's right in the heart of all the merchandise and catalogs!

Happy shopping, everyone!

Diet Hard, With a Vengeance

Well day 1 of my new lifestyle change went very well! I decided to get back on the Atkins wagon since it is the one diet that showed me the most results.

Diets have to be pretty personalized to someone's lifestyle and this one definitely meets all my needs. I LOVE to eat; especially between meals. On Atkins, you can eat all day if you want just as long as you stay under a certain alloted amount of carbohydrates. Atkins gets a lot of heat for being "unhealthy" since you are permitted to have things like butter and bacon and because, like I said, you can eat any time.



As all that is true, it's your choices that make it an unhealthy diet. For example, I had eggs and cheese for breakfast, tilapia and green beans for lunch, and a salad with mahi mahi for dinner. See? That's not so bad. Not to mention throughout the day when I wanted to "snack", I just ate some cheese and a pickle.

Another reason Atkins works so well for me when I'm trying to lose weight is the fact that I'm not allowed to eat fruit. I know, not allowed fruit on a diet?! BLASPHEMOUS. But this rule is perfect for me because I'm ALLERGIC to fruit! All the other diets I've been on contain meal plans revolved around fruit as a snack or it's a necessity for breakfast. There's no real substitute for fruit so I'd always be missing out. On Atkins, fruit has too many carbs to eat during phase 1 and 2... which is a-okay by me.



Most importantly, Atkins doesn't FEEL like a diet to me. As soon as I get set limitations, I panic. I'm not a "boundaries" type of girl. Knowing it is perfectly fine to eat any time I want makes me feel better. I'm a classic case of wanting it more when I'm not allowed. Half the time, I don't even need a snack. I just want it more because I know I can't have it on other diets. On Atkins, if I really want to snack or eat at a particular restaurant, I can. Nothing is worse than going out to eat (and we eat out a lot) and being limited to just a salad. And don't even get me started on fast food. I don't even like fast food but sometimes the situation calls for it and on other diets, I'm stuck with yet another salad (and a soggy one at that). At restaurants I can have all the steak or chicken I want with a side of veggies and at fast food restaurants, I can get that cheese burger all day as long as I take the bun off. Score!

And the number one reason Atkins works so well for me? Two words: fast. results. Don't get me wrong, I know for health reasons you are only suppose to lose 2-3 lbs a week, and you do... eventually. Once your body starts adjusting to your new lifestyle, that does become the typical pace for your weight loss. But on phase 1, which is the first 2 weeks, the most drastic changes happen to your body as you experience dramatic changes in carbohydrate consumption. Because you are only allowed 20g of carbs (an average overweight person consumes 180-230g a DAY), your body starts going into survival mode because it doesn't understand. You start to burn off what little carbs you are eating at a faster rate and when it runs out of those, it starts burning fat. Imagine carbs as little fat cell protectors. If you want to burn fat, you have to get through the carbs first. You exercise and eat right on other diets, but you are still only working off the carbs first. So, it only makes since to reduce the "protectors" so you can get right down to burning the poor, defenseless fat. And, boy, does it burn. In phase 1, really overweight people have been known to lose as much as 25 lbs in 2 weeks. Now as that isn't at all permanent unless you stick with it, it sure is the best motivation EVER to stay strong. When I started Atkins after high school, I lost 16 lbs in my first two weeks. Once I saw what results looked like (remember? VISUAL LEARNER, people!), it was much easier to remind myself to stay on track.



What kind of plans have been the most successful for you guys? Did the plan work because it matched perfectly with your lifestyle?

Happily Ever Fatter...

So you know that quit smoking ad that talks about all the deadlines you give yourself to get healthy that NEVER seem to end? "I'll quit when I get married", "I'll quit after I have my baby", "I'll quit January 1st, 2008, 2009, 2010"....? Well that crappy cycle has been happening to me for as long as I remember, but instead of cigarettes (ew), my vicious cycle is my weight.





On top of the obvious need to find motivation for healthy reasons, I also have some very odd odds stacked against me. For one, I'm happy! Don't get me wrong, I'd LOVE to be skinny because I know I'd feel sexier. But some days, when I get my hair rockin' and a cute outfit on with a bangin' pair of high heels and that cheesecake goes "Eat me, sexy!"...I totally do. I don't understand people who eat when they are depressed, but I guess it's the same as eating when you are happy because either way, the calories stay the same.

Another strangely difficult obstacle? Chris thinks I'm gorgeous. I know, I know, that should be a great thing... and it is! But on the other hand, it's easier to pass on dessert when you are on a date when you are single. You're out to impress! But when you are married and you KNOW he already thinks you look good? Well, the sex is guaranteed! Why bother when you are already perfect in his eyes?! ...at least that's what that damn cheesecake says. (My desserts are very opinionated, no?)




Well, a few weeks ago I felt good enough about myself to take some boudoir pictures as an anniversary gift for Chris. They came out fabulous! However, they were a LOT of work. I had to suck in and stick my chin out and only about 1 of every 10 shots were keepers because of all the shadowing and head tilts I needed to do to look good on camera. On top of all that, the crazy poses made me SORE the next day! (Umm... out of shape, much?!) But, yet again, Chris thought they were GREAT so my self esteem went up but unfortunately, so did the scale...

I've been playing this back and forth game in my head for TOO long now. I'm getting older and regardless of the roller coaster of feeling fat one minute and gorgeous the next, something needs to change. I'm a visual learner so I thought that maybe the reason I get discouraged and give up on diets is because I don't have a visual goal. Oh, and side note, don't google "thinspiration"... those girls are coo-coo. I want to fit into a good size dress, people, not look like the hanger it's hanging on. I asked around and according to a lot of my friends who consistently diet, they said their biggest motivation is old pictures of themselves when they were at a good size. Perfect idea! ...except for one thing. I LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME. Seriously! Don't get me wrong, I was WAY lighter, but I still was never at a weight I'd like to be now! Those pictures don't help at all. I even tried to make my own motivational pictures by sucking in and pulling my double chin up for my goal of a more defined jaw line. All that accomplished, however, is wasted hard drive space of me making stupid faces. What I needed was a professional. Someone who knew how to make actresses look fake yet fantastic! I needed... photoshop.

Well, that did it. I took one of my boudoir pictures where I was already scantily clad and turned it into what I would look like 35-40 lbs lighter (which is how much I'm suppose to lose, according to my doctor, to be in a healthy range).

OH. EM. GEE. I. LOOKED. AMAZING.

I can't get over what a difference it would be for my overall size to be that much decreased! And that's not too hard of a goal, right? 35 lbs? I'm tellin' ya, I feel it. THIS time is going to be different. I think the best way for me to achieve this is by keeping track of it. Maybe not with a calorie counting journal (been there, done that), but with my blog. If I have to constantly remind myself (and the rest of you) how everything is going, I'll feel ashamed to admit defeat too soon and motivated to lose and brag about it! Win/win!

So here's hoping I stick to it! I've got my sexy "after" picture to keep me going and you guys to 'fess up to in case I feel like giving up.

Now if I could only get that damn self-encouraging cheesecake to shut the hell up...

Yup, We're Dorks. (Part II)

Ok! Back to our nerdy anniversary vacation!

After the awesome veterans memorial, we finally got to see... THE WHITE HOUSE! It's so crazy to see something in real life that you feel like you've seen a million times. It was beautiful. The lawns were being maintained when we got there and you could really see how much work gets put into keeping it nice. Loved it.



Our next destination was our choice between the American History museum or Natural History museum. We couldn't really decide because I really wanted to see the Hope Diamond but I knew there would be much more recognizable stuff at the American History museum. We chose there.

Turned out to be a great choice! We saw the original C3P0 from Star Wars, the original Kermit the frog that Jim Henson made with his grandmother's jacket and ping pong balls, Archie Bunker's chair, Fonzi's jacket from Happy Days, and my absolute favorite... DOROTHY'S RED SLIPPERS! I have to admit, I HATE The Wizard of Oz. It's awful. But Judy Garland? LOVE HER. Just knowing she was in those shoes gave me chills. So, so worth it.





Finally, we were off to the Ford's Theater where Lincoln was shot. The tour was admittedly very boring. It was just a guy talking about everything and although the facts were interesting, he had one of those voices that just put you in a coma. But it was very surreal to be in the theater where it happened.



Oh, and side note situation: The only kids on the tour belonged to this one woman who never, ever put her new baby down the entire time. I had no idea how she did it. Her kids were well-behaved at first but as the day progressed, they were obviously due for some fussing towards the end. In the middle of the host's speech about Lincoln's assassination, her baby just started screaming at random intervals.

Now, I don't have children, but I do know the mortification you must feel when your kid acts up in public. If anything, it's that mortification that makes non-moms like me become more understanding instead of frustrated that their meal/movie/Lincoln assassination story got interrupted. This mom? Not so much. She was in the row in front of me and every time her baby squealed and interrupted the host, she made eye contact with me and gave me one of those "isn't he adorable? give me reassurance he's adorable!" grins. Um... no way, lady. You know who is adorable? Me and my husband celebrating our one year anniversary together. Your baby asleep is the only way he's going to be adorable to me. So instead of my normal understanding smile I allot to women who give me an apologetic look when their baby acts up in public, I give her a "Uh.. hell naw" smirk. I felt a little bit bad, but seriously? I'm 25 years old and I was semi-bored and tired by the end of the day, how could you not believe your 4 month old, 2 year old, and 5 year old would not feel the same if not more so?

Well, more reason for me to get excited about the tour ending and the frosty cold beer that had been waiting for me since I started the day. We had decided on this authentic looking Irish pub that caught our eye that morning and I wish I would have remembered to take pictures of it and our food and stuff but I had a one track mind and it was completely focused on the beer menu. I got some amber ale (well I got lots of amber ales) and fish and chips and Chris drank Guinness and had a beer battered burger with potato cakes... delicious! We sat outside and the weather was so beautiful. Nothing, I mean NOTHING, makes me happier than a beer and an outdoor patio bar. It was a perfect ending to our day.

The next day we packed up and headed home. Again, the ride was great and our GPS took us a different way home. We ended up driving through a different part of Virginia and ended up in the historic Madison county from the book "Bridges of Madison County". Oh. My. God. I wanted to cry it was so gorgeous. There must be a law that says you can't build shopping malls or anything modern because for the 20 minutes we were there, it was as if we had stepped into a rustic and rural dream. Chris and I could not get our jaws up. We immediately started talking about how when we retire, this is where it will be. No beaches, no cities... just this pastoral paradise.



...and it's the moments like that when you really look over at your partner and bask in the glow of your own "in love" happiness. It wasn't the destination that made our anniversary special. It was the sharing of experiences we had. It's the reassurance of how much you actually like each other's company even though you've grown to know everything there is to know about each other. It was the idea that you came up with that he feels the exact same way about that shows you that you found your real partner in life.

Here's to many more years of all of those moments and many more...

...Time Out.

I'm taking a time out from updating about my vacation.

Something happened that shook my entire world. I've never been more terrified in my life than in the moment I got the phone call.

One of my brother's is very sick. Luckily it isn't cancer or a physical handicap, but it is life-threatening nonetheless. On Monday, it almost took his life.

I'm not going to go into details because they aren't important. What's important is that he's alive and safe now. All any of us have is now.

I don't pray, but I always love when people say that they are praying for someone. It's a beautiful thing to have strangers and loved ones in your thoughts when things get rough and although I'm not praying, those who need them are in my thoughts. The faith I have is that the doctors that are working with my brother are educated and wise and willing to help him. The faith I have is that my mother raised him strong enough to fight this. The faith I have will not save him... only he can do that.

I truly believe that positive outlooks change the world. If you live everyday in sorrow and pity, that negativity floods you with pain and darkness until light seems impossible. When you see things getting better, being stronger, feeling hopeful, well, that positive energy can change your world. Your light can be anything, just as long as you hold it every second.

I can only stop my world long enough to sigh and then I must keep working and hoping for better tomorrows... just a quick time out to catch my breath.




...Time in.