Reason #8: Your Mom Needs to S-T-F-U

*sigh*

The more I compose this list, the more I worry people will get the wrong impression of its purpose. My reasons for my Facebook negativity is completely personal; I cannot stress that enough. I want to be able to analyze my thoughts on the subject in a composed manner so I can make a decision about whether or not it can be a positive enough experience in my life despite its many flaws. I by no means want anyone to feel attacked or that I'm judging them in any form or fashion. Now that the disclaimer is over, allow me to proceed...

Tell your mom to STFU.

Ha, I kid, of course... well, sort of. (But if she doesn't know what "S-T-F-U" means, by the way, that just proves my point.) Somewhere between Facebook being open to everyone besides just college kids and the birth of Farmville *shutters*, middle-aged parents used their "index finger only" typing skills and made Facebook pages of their very own. Why do I loathe this with every fiber of my being? For the following reasons:

Nine times out of ten, our elders aren't even computer-savvy enough to even Facebook properly. How many hilarious screenshot fails have you seen where older people have posted incorrect or inappropriate things because of their failure to comprehend the difference between "messages" and "wall posts". Sure, it's funny... but then it just gets sad and annoying.



Oh, you're the one out of ten elders I spoke about that IS computer-savvy? Sorry, you aren't off the hook just yet. Another reason: just because you know HOW to Facebook, doesn't mean you are doing it properly. Proper Facebook etiquette (again, in my personal opinion) does not and should not ever include telling others how and why they should do certain things that they are revealing to you. If Jane Smith is having a "rocking party and is gonna get wasted" this weekend, that's Jane Smith's priority. If she is your real friend, you won't care anyway. If she isn't, then why the hell are you looking at her Facebook status in the first place? ...but I digress. The crime so many older people (particularly these people's parents) who have successfully navigated their way onto our Facebook pages are buzz-kill commenting and, well, shitting all over your good time. I literally had to block a friends' posts so that I couldn't read them because her dad would write 4 page comments reprimanding her for every little thing she did. Plus, this girl is 23 years old, dude. Not only was I experiencing some father/daughter drama just by reading her posts (awkward), I now want to strangle some strange man I've never even met before because frankly he is pissing me off. You aren't some cool parent getting let into the cool club by your kids because they accepted your friend request. You're just awkward. And annoying. Go away.




Now, with all THAT said, I do have some very well-behaved moms on my Facebook friend list so I by no means am talking about you guys. How do you know for sure? Because I actually am your friend on Facebook which means you've passed the test and aren't a party to either of the above scenarios I mentioned. You rock my world for beating the odds that are so stacked against you.

So there it is, reason numero ocho for wanting to be rid of Facebook entirely. See the hostility in my words just DESCRIBING the situation? Geesh. I'm going to take a much needed chill pill and contemplate my next rant.

Next up... Reason #7: Judge Not Lest Ye Be Blocked.