On top of the obvious need to find motivation for healthy reasons, I also have some very odd odds stacked against me. For one, I'm happy! Don't get me wrong, I'd LOVE to be skinny because I know I'd feel sexier. But some days, when I get my hair rockin' and a cute outfit on with a bangin' pair of high heels and that cheesecake goes "Eat me, sexy!"...I totally do. I don't understand people who eat when they are depressed, but I guess it's the same as eating when you are happy because either way, the calories stay the same.
Another strangely difficult obstacle? Chris thinks I'm gorgeous. I know, I know, that should be a great thing... and it is! But on the other hand, it's easier to pass on dessert when you are on a date when you are single. You're out to impress! But when you are married and you KNOW he already thinks you look good? Well, the sex is guaranteed! Why bother when you are already perfect in his eyes?! ...at least that's what that damn cheesecake says. (My desserts are very opinionated, no?)
Well, a few weeks ago I felt good enough about myself to take some boudoir pictures as an anniversary gift for Chris. They came out fabulous! However, they were a LOT of work. I had to suck in and stick my chin out and only about 1 of every 10 shots were keepers because of all the shadowing and head tilts I needed to do to look good on camera. On top of all that, the crazy poses made me SORE the next day! (Umm... out of shape, much?!) But, yet again, Chris thought they were GREAT so my self esteem went up but unfortunately, so did the scale...
I've been playing this back and forth game in my head for TOO long now. I'm getting older and regardless of the roller coaster of feeling fat one minute and gorgeous the next, something needs to change. I'm a visual learner so I thought that maybe the reason I get discouraged and give up on diets is because I don't have a visual goal. Oh, and side note, don't google "thinspiration"... those girls are coo-coo. I want to fit into a good size dress, people, not look like the hanger it's hanging on. I asked around and according to a lot of my friends who consistently diet, they said their biggest motivation is old pictures of themselves when they were at a good size. Perfect idea! ...except for one thing. I LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME. Seriously! Don't get me wrong, I was WAY lighter, but I still was never at a weight I'd like to be now! Those pictures don't help at all. I even tried to make my own motivational pictures by sucking in and pulling my double chin up for my goal of a more defined jaw line. All that accomplished, however, is wasted hard drive space of me making stupid faces. What I needed was a professional. Someone who knew how to make actresses look fake yet fantastic! I needed... photoshop.
Well, that did it. I took one of my boudoir pictures where I was already scantily clad and turned it into what I would look like 35-40 lbs lighter (which is how much I'm suppose to lose, according to my doctor, to be in a healthy range).
OH. EM. GEE. I. LOOKED. AMAZING.
I can't get over what a difference it would be for my overall size to be that much decreased! And that's not too hard of a goal, right? 35 lbs? I'm tellin' ya, I feel it. THIS time is going to be different. I think the best way for me to achieve this is by keeping track of it. Maybe not with a calorie counting journal (been there, done that), but with my blog. If I have to constantly remind myself (and the rest of you) how everything is going, I'll feel ashamed to admit defeat too soon and motivated to lose and brag about it! Win/win!
So here's hoping I stick to it! I've got my sexy "after" picture to keep me going and you guys to 'fess up to in case I feel like giving up.
Now if I could only get that damn self-encouraging cheesecake to shut the hell up...
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