Your marriage will be good if you both freakin' want it to be. Period. End of story.
Think about it. To trust another is an act of faith. In order to want to build such a delicate attribute with another human being, well, you have to want to. Communication is also one of the most vital acts to a marriage, hands down. But c'mon. Have you ever wanted to talk to (let alone solve problems) with someone you just don't even fucking like? Absolutely not. There will be plenty of times you stomp away from your partner and refuse "to even speak to that stupid idiot" about something, but some small place inside you will eventually peek in and encourage you to continue the discussion and resolve the issue. That little place inside you isn't magical or anything... its just plain ol' love for the other person. Love is enough to WANT to fix whatever it is that 5 minutes prior you wanted to strangle them for.
It isn't complicated and you don't have to over-think it. As a matter of fact, if you are having to TELL yourself that you need to fix the fight or frantically search for that encouragement to solve problems with the other person, that ain't love, folks. Love is simple. Society wants you to think it is an uphill battle and that after each fight the relationship grows stronger. Well, love may be a little exhausting at times and you certainly can learn more about the other from a resolved disagreement, but no, I don't believe for a second that consistently reoccuring battle scars make your relationship better. Hell, even the most consistently reoccuring battle scars during a war doesn't mean you won anything. Plus, you have to really be some kind of stupid to continue to fight about the same things over and over because the other doesn't want to attempt a change at the outcome. Um, duh.
It may be a harsh reality to come to, but if you are still fighting and they couldn't care less about the fact that it is your 43rd time arguing about it... THEY. DON'T. CARE. ABOUT. YOU. Remember what I said about WANTING to talk to the other person and resolve issues? Yea, that kind of reoccuring drama is putting your relationship at a stand still. Stop making excuses and just be confident that no, you don't need to put 90% of the effort into a relationship because the other barely makes 10%. No one is incapable of love, but they could possibly be incapable of loving YOU.
The great thing about all of the various and wonderful steps great couples are taking to ensure their marriage is a strong one is that they are BOTH participating in that goal. Not one is scouring the internet for help and calling up friends for advice, but BOTH are being active participants for keeping their marriage strong. Not every piece of relationship advice is perfect, but if the couple looking for it is doing so together, side-by-side, and 50/50, they will find the answer.
I think it is very, very sad to see an unhappy couple. Not because I necessarily feel bad for them, but because it is so clear that the reason they are still a couple is because one or both refuses to admit that there might just not be anything left between them worth saving.
Denial is a bitch, I know. Especially when there are good times and great memories that were shared. But happy rememberings of the ol' days or the few moments of sanity and laughter you may share between fights are not reasons to stay together. Stop saying you are the "stronger one" therefore the only one who should have to take up the weight of the resolve. If anything, you will be weaker for allowing the other to not work as hard as you do or to care as much. Everyone deserves someone who makes them their top priority.
Only one thing will help you with a happy relationship: you both have to freakin' want it. Thank goodness for my sanity that I have such great examples of couples who really love and treat each other like they deserve!... oh, and for a great husband who makes me his as much as I make him, my top priority.
