Okay, that title is just a little saying I like. I just think it's a funnier version of "Better late than never!"... which I definitely am. Late. Super late. Not pregnant late, but late on writing in my blog.
If you have a minute, I'll explain why I haven't. (If I haven't disappointed you with my sudden sabbatical to the point of disapproval). The main reason is, well, I lost my drive last summer. Oh, and my mind. Totally lost that, too. But calm down. I'm getting there. If you had a chance to read my last post before I very quickly took it down, it was about my excitement that my maternal instinct was kicking in and I wanted to have a baby. I was apprehensive and I thought surely my blog would help me get those feelings out in a positive way and even help me organize my thoughts, trials, and tribulations on the baby-making journey. Well, as quickly as I posted that blog entry, I had second thoughts. All of a sudden, it was scary... no, terrifying, to think of having a baby. Not in the normal, "good scary" kind of way either. All of a sudden (in true Amanda fashion) I was thinking of all of glass half empty reasons... but they were FAR outweighing the good.
This "maternal instinct" I was having seemed like a crock. I shouldn't be repulsed by making room for another being in my life. I should be ecstatic, right? Well, even posting that now-deleted blog entry seemed like a huge step in the baby direction. If I was so quick to back track on a blog entry, where would I be if I were pregnant?! So, instead of having a baby, I had something I'm a little more familiar with:
A panic attack.
I was a fucking lunatic. I yelled at Chris for things as trivial as wet towels on the bed. I couldn't sleep because of all the spinning and indecision going through my mind. I spent hundreds of dollars seeking that "shopper's high" (which, coming from a girl who has done her fair share of partying, is no high at all, bitches). Worst of all, I was losing myself and I didn't know why. I did know, however, that even the idea of a baby was mentally breaking me down. We called the goalie back in and put the whole thing on hold. Even Chris, in a much more put-together way, wasn't liking the idea of a baby much anymore.
So there I was. I was just about to graduate college so I focused on my internship and tried to forget the whole thing. Finally, I became the first person in my immediate family to get a college degree. I was elated. Chris was so proud of me and I felt really, really good for the first time since the panic attack. More importantly, I felt... worth.
And then it hit me.
Oh, duh! That wasn't maternal instinct at all that I had experienced and tried to unsuccessfully formulate into reality! It was a need for WORTH. Wow, that made so much more sense than the baby stuff. I immediately felt better. I went on the job hunt of the century the microsecond they handed me my degree and in two weeks (and some kind of record in THIS economy) I got a job. THE job, to be exact.
And that's where I've been, folks. Working, ironically, at an OB/GYN. Turns out I love babies! ...as long as they're in utero. But now that I've taken a big deep breath and have my life (somewhat) on track, I'm cool to blog again.
Welcome back, bitches.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Don't "I Do" If You Don't
Lately I've been noticing a lot more blog entries from various people about how to have a great marriage and ways to preserve the love. In a world full of teen moms, broken homes, and abusive relationships it is refreshing to read that there are so many others who were strong enough individuals to find wonderful partners. There's always talk of trust and communication being the most important thing in a marriage. I agree, but I feel like there is one simple way to basically sum up all the little virtues of a great partnership. Quite frankly...
Your marriage will be good if you both freakin' want it to be. Period. End of story.
Think about it. To trust another is an act of faith. In order to want to build such a delicate attribute with another human being, well, you have to want to. Communication is also one of the most vital acts to a marriage, hands down. But c'mon. Have you ever wanted to talk to (let alone solve problems) with someone you just don't even fucking like? Absolutely not. There will be plenty of times you stomp away from your partner and refuse "to even speak to that stupid idiot" about something, but some small place inside you will eventually peek in and encourage you to continue the discussion and resolve the issue. That little place inside you isn't magical or anything... its just plain ol' love for the other person. Love is enough to WANT to fix whatever it is that 5 minutes prior you wanted to strangle them for.
It isn't complicated and you don't have to over-think it. As a matter of fact, if you are having to TELL yourself that you need to fix the fight or frantically search for that encouragement to solve problems with the other person, that ain't love, folks. Love is simple. Society wants you to think it is an uphill battle and that after each fight the relationship grows stronger. Well, love may be a little exhausting at times and you certainly can learn more about the other from a resolved disagreement, but no, I don't believe for a second that consistently reoccuring battle scars make your relationship better. Hell, even the most consistently reoccuring battle scars during a war doesn't mean you won anything. Plus, you have to really be some kind of stupid to continue to fight about the same things over and over because the other doesn't want to attempt a change at the outcome. Um, duh.
It may be a harsh reality to come to, but if you are still fighting and they couldn't care less about the fact that it is your 43rd time arguing about it... THEY. DON'T. CARE. ABOUT. YOU. Remember what I said about WANTING to talk to the other person and resolve issues? Yea, that kind of reoccuring drama is putting your relationship at a stand still. Stop making excuses and just be confident that no, you don't need to put 90% of the effort into a relationship because the other barely makes 10%. No one is incapable of love, but they could possibly be incapable of loving YOU.
The great thing about all of the various and wonderful steps great couples are taking to ensure their marriage is a strong one is that they are BOTH participating in that goal. Not one is scouring the internet for help and calling up friends for advice, but BOTH are being active participants for keeping their marriage strong. Not every piece of relationship advice is perfect, but if the couple looking for it is doing so together, side-by-side, and 50/50, they will find the answer.
I think it is very, very sad to see an unhappy couple. Not because I necessarily feel bad for them, but because it is so clear that the reason they are still a couple is because one or both refuses to admit that there might just not be anything left between them worth saving.
Denial is a bitch, I know. Especially when there are good times and great memories that were shared. But happy rememberings of the ol' days or the few moments of sanity and laughter you may share between fights are not reasons to stay together. Stop saying you are the "stronger one" therefore the only one who should have to take up the weight of the resolve. If anything, you will be weaker for allowing the other to not work as hard as you do or to care as much. Everyone deserves someone who makes them their top priority.
Only one thing will help you with a happy relationship: you both have to freakin' want it. Thank goodness for my sanity that I have such great examples of couples who really love and treat each other like they deserve!... oh, and for a great husband who makes me his as much as I make him, my top priority.
Your marriage will be good if you both freakin' want it to be. Period. End of story.
Think about it. To trust another is an act of faith. In order to want to build such a delicate attribute with another human being, well, you have to want to. Communication is also one of the most vital acts to a marriage, hands down. But c'mon. Have you ever wanted to talk to (let alone solve problems) with someone you just don't even fucking like? Absolutely not. There will be plenty of times you stomp away from your partner and refuse "to even speak to that stupid idiot" about something, but some small place inside you will eventually peek in and encourage you to continue the discussion and resolve the issue. That little place inside you isn't magical or anything... its just plain ol' love for the other person. Love is enough to WANT to fix whatever it is that 5 minutes prior you wanted to strangle them for.
It isn't complicated and you don't have to over-think it. As a matter of fact, if you are having to TELL yourself that you need to fix the fight or frantically search for that encouragement to solve problems with the other person, that ain't love, folks. Love is simple. Society wants you to think it is an uphill battle and that after each fight the relationship grows stronger. Well, love may be a little exhausting at times and you certainly can learn more about the other from a resolved disagreement, but no, I don't believe for a second that consistently reoccuring battle scars make your relationship better. Hell, even the most consistently reoccuring battle scars during a war doesn't mean you won anything. Plus, you have to really be some kind of stupid to continue to fight about the same things over and over because the other doesn't want to attempt a change at the outcome. Um, duh.
It may be a harsh reality to come to, but if you are still fighting and they couldn't care less about the fact that it is your 43rd time arguing about it... THEY. DON'T. CARE. ABOUT. YOU. Remember what I said about WANTING to talk to the other person and resolve issues? Yea, that kind of reoccuring drama is putting your relationship at a stand still. Stop making excuses and just be confident that no, you don't need to put 90% of the effort into a relationship because the other barely makes 10%. No one is incapable of love, but they could possibly be incapable of loving YOU.
The great thing about all of the various and wonderful steps great couples are taking to ensure their marriage is a strong one is that they are BOTH participating in that goal. Not one is scouring the internet for help and calling up friends for advice, but BOTH are being active participants for keeping their marriage strong. Not every piece of relationship advice is perfect, but if the couple looking for it is doing so together, side-by-side, and 50/50, they will find the answer.
I think it is very, very sad to see an unhappy couple. Not because I necessarily feel bad for them, but because it is so clear that the reason they are still a couple is because one or both refuses to admit that there might just not be anything left between them worth saving.
Denial is a bitch, I know. Especially when there are good times and great memories that were shared. But happy rememberings of the ol' days or the few moments of sanity and laughter you may share between fights are not reasons to stay together. Stop saying you are the "stronger one" therefore the only one who should have to take up the weight of the resolve. If anything, you will be weaker for allowing the other to not work as hard as you do or to care as much. Everyone deserves someone who makes them their top priority.
Only one thing will help you with a happy relationship: you both have to freakin' want it. Thank goodness for my sanity that I have such great examples of couples who really love and treat each other like they deserve!... oh, and for a great husband who makes me his as much as I make him, my top priority.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Aw, You Shouldn't Have!
Well since I couldn't win Emily's "nickname the baby" contest (Blitzen IS the best choice, though!), I am very happy to have been picked for...
Thanks to Amanda at ahjones2010.blogspot.com for selecting me! (Oh, and someone teach me how to do those links on here!)
Part of being selected also means I have to say 7 things about myself. I've mentioned a lot of my quirks before so let me see if I can think of any new ones you might not already know...
1. I believe 100% that we have made contact with intelligent life on other planets and that it is being kept a secret from us. I don't consider myself a conspiracy theorist, but there is nothing anyone could ever tell me to make me believe otherwise.
2. I meditate every day. I listen to Hindu prayer chanting and guided chakra meditations. I started as a way to fall asleep, but soon after I began noticing I was thinking more clearly and having a more positive attitude throughout the day. I'm also experimenting with something called astral projection which is suppose to invoke lucid dreams and stress relief.
3. I do not know where my real father is. He was never a positive influence nor a good father, but when I was a teenager he began showing signs of schizophrenia and delusions of grandeur. Because he still had access to my younger brothers and seemed to be growing more and more dangerous, at 18 I filed paperwork with the courts to have him committed to a facility so he could be examined. They diagnosed him with not only schizophrenia, but homicidal tendencies. Our entire family was awarded a permanent restraining order and, thankfully, I have not seen him in nearly 10 years. When I refer to "my dad", I am in actuality talking about my step-father with whom we have all called "Daddy" since I was 10 years old and who is, in fact, an amazing dad.
4. My favorite movie of all time is "The Little Mermaid". It was also the first movie I ever saw in theaters. In fact, my love affair with Disney runs very, very deep. I don't just follow along with every word of every animated classic, but can recite entire scenes like most actors can recite Shakespeare. This year I went to Disney World for the first time EVER and bawled like a baby as we drove in. When I die, I want my ashes thrown in various places and the Magic Kingdom is one of them.
5. I'm currently working on a book that will hopefully be done by the beginning of next year. I can't talk about the details, but I am 100% confident that it is something that is suppose to be written and that I am the one to do it. I finally got an editor that will hopefully feel the same once it is completed.
6. We have a condo in Savannah, just 5 minutes from Tybee Island. We go 4-5 times a year and I always notice a sense of peace wash over my mom every time we are there. She admitted that it is where she wants HER ashes thrown and in order to always feel close to her, we just have to come to the beach. I believe she could not be more right.
7. I have always wanted to hike in the rainforest. Ever since I have been little, if the mood strikes, I sit down in the shower, close my eyes, and imagine I'm sitting under a large tree in the rain forest and that the shower water that comes down is rain. It is very therapeutic and hopefully one day I can do it for real in a real forest.
Okay, now I'm suppose to tag 5 of my own favorite and stylish blogs. Lots of my favorites have already been selected for Stylish Blog awards so I'll avoid re-tagging those folks! Here's who I pick:
Dale @ The Meming of Life (http://parentingbeyondbelief.com/blog/)
Deb @ Smitten Kitchen (www.smittenkitchen.com)
Jen @ Bake or Break (www.bakeorbreak.com)
The Writers @ The Superficial (www.thesuperficial.com)
Soren Bowie @ Cracked (www.cracked.com)
Thanks again for thinking of me, Amanda!!
Thanks to Amanda at ahjones2010.blogspot.com for selecting me! (Oh, and someone teach me how to do those links on here!)
Part of being selected also means I have to say 7 things about myself. I've mentioned a lot of my quirks before so let me see if I can think of any new ones you might not already know...
1. I believe 100% that we have made contact with intelligent life on other planets and that it is being kept a secret from us. I don't consider myself a conspiracy theorist, but there is nothing anyone could ever tell me to make me believe otherwise.
2. I meditate every day. I listen to Hindu prayer chanting and guided chakra meditations. I started as a way to fall asleep, but soon after I began noticing I was thinking more clearly and having a more positive attitude throughout the day. I'm also experimenting with something called astral projection which is suppose to invoke lucid dreams and stress relief.
3. I do not know where my real father is. He was never a positive influence nor a good father, but when I was a teenager he began showing signs of schizophrenia and delusions of grandeur. Because he still had access to my younger brothers and seemed to be growing more and more dangerous, at 18 I filed paperwork with the courts to have him committed to a facility so he could be examined. They diagnosed him with not only schizophrenia, but homicidal tendencies. Our entire family was awarded a permanent restraining order and, thankfully, I have not seen him in nearly 10 years. When I refer to "my dad", I am in actuality talking about my step-father with whom we have all called "Daddy" since I was 10 years old and who is, in fact, an amazing dad.
4. My favorite movie of all time is "The Little Mermaid". It was also the first movie I ever saw in theaters. In fact, my love affair with Disney runs very, very deep. I don't just follow along with every word of every animated classic, but can recite entire scenes like most actors can recite Shakespeare. This year I went to Disney World for the first time EVER and bawled like a baby as we drove in. When I die, I want my ashes thrown in various places and the Magic Kingdom is one of them.
5. I'm currently working on a book that will hopefully be done by the beginning of next year. I can't talk about the details, but I am 100% confident that it is something that is suppose to be written and that I am the one to do it. I finally got an editor that will hopefully feel the same once it is completed.
6. We have a condo in Savannah, just 5 minutes from Tybee Island. We go 4-5 times a year and I always notice a sense of peace wash over my mom every time we are there. She admitted that it is where she wants HER ashes thrown and in order to always feel close to her, we just have to come to the beach. I believe she could not be more right.
7. I have always wanted to hike in the rainforest. Ever since I have been little, if the mood strikes, I sit down in the shower, close my eyes, and imagine I'm sitting under a large tree in the rain forest and that the shower water that comes down is rain. It is very therapeutic and hopefully one day I can do it for real in a real forest.
Okay, now I'm suppose to tag 5 of my own favorite and stylish blogs. Lots of my favorites have already been selected for Stylish Blog awards so I'll avoid re-tagging those folks! Here's who I pick:
Dale @ The Meming of Life (http://parentingbeyondbelief.com/blog/)
Deb @ Smitten Kitchen (www.smittenkitchen.com)
Jen @ Bake or Break (www.bakeorbreak.com)
The Writers @ The Superficial (www.thesuperficial.com)
Soren Bowie @ Cracked (www.cracked.com)
Thanks again for thinking of me, Amanda!!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Hubby Birthday to You!
Tomorrow is Chris' 26th birthday. I always write him a little romantic letter on special occasions but I was thinking this year I'd do something different... and post it for the whole world to see. He might be a tad embarrassed, but if he is, well, that'll be my little gift to me.
Instead of a mushy love note, here's 50 reasons why I love my hubs:
1. He has always seen all of me and loved me despite my flaws
2. When I wasn't quite ready for the commitment he wanted, he never stopped loving me
3. He has sexy long legs
4. He shares my sense of humor and thinks I'm funny
5. He gets a kick out of seeing me rant and rave (which is often!)
6. We have the same taste in nearly everything
7. ...but when we do disagree on something, he normally lets me make the final decision
8. He's a sucker for my pouty face (just like my Dad is!)
9. When he's acting crazy, I can stay calm and vice-versa
10. He is the most patient person I've ever met
11. My family adores him and often joke that they are glad to see him but he shouldn't have brought "his ol' ball and chain" when we go visit (har-har)
12. He is by far, hands down, the smartest person I know
13. He knows when to be compassionate and when to say "no", much better than I ever can
14. His opinion on us having children is go-with-the-flow, like my opinion, so there is never pressure either way
15. He is amazing at his job and is constantly awarded for his hard work
16. When he says he "hates" something, he's still open-minded to it
17. We had nearly identical childhoods and remember all the same things from them
18. We also have identical political standings and spiritual opinions
19. His mind goes directly to rational thinking no matter how crazy the situation
20. He is a good teacher and is always patient when he helps people
21. He's always in good spirits and it takes a lot to bring him down
22. When I'm missing cute things the dogs do, he takes pictures and sends them to me
23. He was 100% encouraging when I wanted to quit work completely and go back to school
24. He took me to Disney World for the first time and never laughed at me when I cried like a baby seeing Cinderella's castle
25. He's not picky about food and will try anything
26. He loves to travel and likes to take me new places as often as possible
27. He agrees that exchanging gifts to each other at Christmas is silly and prefers our annual Christmas dinner date instead
28. His taste in clothes is very sophisticated and admits he would love to dress like Clinton from "What Not to Wear"
29. When I jumped on the organic food wagon, he jumped right on with me and loves it
30. Even our most irrational decisions have always been good ones in the end
31. He could survive for weeks on just cereal and milk
32. When we are on vacation, he doesn't mind getting rip-roaring drunk in the middle of the afternoon
33. He forgets EVERYTHING which always makes me look less like the insane one
34. He can never be peer pressured into anything
35. He plays on "Expert Mode" in every game, even if he's never played before
36. He thinks I'm sexy when I'm convinced I couldn't look any worse
37. He uses skits from different comedian's stand-ups to get legitimate points across during our disagreements
38. He's 100% confident in his sexuality and never references things looking "gay" or itemizes gender specifics.
39. ...and he would never in a million years care if his son or any children we have are gay.
40. He keeps all drama to a minimum, even if it means excluding people
41. He puts our sanity and happiness first above every other person
42. His favorite past time is pestering me until I blow up, just so he can see my reactions
43. Sometimes, for no reason, he will stop what he is doing and lay on me when I'm trying to watch TV
44. I don't know a single person who has ever met him that doesn't love him
45. He says all he ever wants is for me to be happy (and I believe that 100%)
46. When he's excited about something, he counts down the days/hours/minutes and reminds me every second how soon it is about to happen
47. He brings me shot glasses from every where he goes on business trips
48. We both people-watch and then whisper secret things to make fun of them just to get the other to laugh
49. We randomly blurt out what the other is thinking and it is so dead-on it borders on spooky
...and one of my all time most favoritest things about Chris is...
50. His hand blindly searches for me on my side of the bed every night and if I'm too far away he pulls me in... and he says he has never ONCE been conscious or been aware he was doing it in all these years.
See? Even unconscious Chris is pretty freaking awesome.
Happy Birthday, baby!
Instead of a mushy love note, here's 50 reasons why I love my hubs:
1. He has always seen all of me and loved me despite my flaws
2. When I wasn't quite ready for the commitment he wanted, he never stopped loving me
3. He has sexy long legs
4. He shares my sense of humor and thinks I'm funny
5. He gets a kick out of seeing me rant and rave (which is often!)
6. We have the same taste in nearly everything
7. ...but when we do disagree on something, he normally lets me make the final decision
8. He's a sucker for my pouty face (just like my Dad is!)
9. When he's acting crazy, I can stay calm and vice-versa
10. He is the most patient person I've ever met
11. My family adores him and often joke that they are glad to see him but he shouldn't have brought "his ol' ball and chain" when we go visit (har-har)
12. He is by far, hands down, the smartest person I know
13. He knows when to be compassionate and when to say "no", much better than I ever can
14. His opinion on us having children is go-with-the-flow, like my opinion, so there is never pressure either way
15. He is amazing at his job and is constantly awarded for his hard work
16. When he says he "hates" something, he's still open-minded to it
17. We had nearly identical childhoods and remember all the same things from them
18. We also have identical political standings and spiritual opinions
19. His mind goes directly to rational thinking no matter how crazy the situation
20. He is a good teacher and is always patient when he helps people
21. He's always in good spirits and it takes a lot to bring him down
22. When I'm missing cute things the dogs do, he takes pictures and sends them to me
23. He was 100% encouraging when I wanted to quit work completely and go back to school
24. He took me to Disney World for the first time and never laughed at me when I cried like a baby seeing Cinderella's castle
25. He's not picky about food and will try anything
26. He loves to travel and likes to take me new places as often as possible
27. He agrees that exchanging gifts to each other at Christmas is silly and prefers our annual Christmas dinner date instead
28. His taste in clothes is very sophisticated and admits he would love to dress like Clinton from "What Not to Wear"
29. When I jumped on the organic food wagon, he jumped right on with me and loves it
30. Even our most irrational decisions have always been good ones in the end
31. He could survive for weeks on just cereal and milk
32. When we are on vacation, he doesn't mind getting rip-roaring drunk in the middle of the afternoon
33. He forgets EVERYTHING which always makes me look less like the insane one
34. He can never be peer pressured into anything
35. He plays on "Expert Mode" in every game, even if he's never played before
36. He thinks I'm sexy when I'm convinced I couldn't look any worse
37. He uses skits from different comedian's stand-ups to get legitimate points across during our disagreements
38. He's 100% confident in his sexuality and never references things looking "gay" or itemizes gender specifics.
39. ...and he would never in a million years care if his son or any children we have are gay.
40. He keeps all drama to a minimum, even if it means excluding people
41. He puts our sanity and happiness first above every other person
42. His favorite past time is pestering me until I blow up, just so he can see my reactions
43. Sometimes, for no reason, he will stop what he is doing and lay on me when I'm trying to watch TV
44. I don't know a single person who has ever met him that doesn't love him
45. He says all he ever wants is for me to be happy (and I believe that 100%)
46. When he's excited about something, he counts down the days/hours/minutes and reminds me every second how soon it is about to happen
47. He brings me shot glasses from every where he goes on business trips
48. We both people-watch and then whisper secret things to make fun of them just to get the other to laugh
49. We randomly blurt out what the other is thinking and it is so dead-on it borders on spooky
...and one of my all time most favoritest things about Chris is...
50. His hand blindly searches for me on my side of the bed every night and if I'm too far away he pulls me in... and he says he has never ONCE been conscious or been aware he was doing it in all these years.
See? Even unconscious Chris is pretty freaking awesome.
Happy Birthday, baby!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Another Day, Another Holler
If you were raised in the south, you know what "holler" is. For you yankees out there, it is another word for yell or scream or, in my case, argue. If someone is "hollerin'" at you, it's probably because you are in trouble. I'm pretty sure if you live with your significant other, you've partaken in some hollerin' yourself.
I'm a very passionate person so, yes, I'm guilty of being verbally abrasive when the situation calls for it. Chris and I are by no means a silent couple when it comes to overcoming problems. The volume of our yelling is also not indicative of the magnitude of the fight, but more about frustration that we can't get our point of view across. We vowed never to go to bed angry and after almost 4 years together, I think we've done a damn good job. The key is that no matter how much we "holler" at each other, the goal remains the same: understand one another.
Armed with the logic that communication (in even its loudest forms)is beneficial, I'm starting to battle why this concept seems to be taboo within our other relationships. Of all my current group of friends, I've never once had an argument- much less one that involved a good holler. Does this mean I get along with them better than my own husband? It kind of feels that way if you think about it, doesn't it? But of course, that's ludicrous. No, what it is starting to feel like is that the lack of disputes in any form is a sign that we aren't communicating properly at all. I'm starting to wonder if my friends are really just people I enjoy time with rather than people I have a relationship with. This realization is sad to me. When did being an adult make me feel so... reserved?
Not too long ago we had an unannounced visit to our home from some individuals we do not particularly wish to see, especially without any warning. (Um, hello, manners much?). It was one of those moments where we were smiling and engaging in forced conversation all the while stealing glances at each other as if to say "what the hell are they doing here?!". After making snarky remarks and even attempting to bad mouth someone we actually ARE fond of, they finally left. Chris and I both shared a good rant about how overwhelmingly rude it was for them to not even at least call first before planning an unpleasant visit. The more we agreed with one another about the audacity of some people, the more I realized something even more unsettling than the visit itself: they were probably skipping home thinking their visit with us was wonderful and that we want them over more often! And why wouldn't they think that?! We never once made an attempt to let them know what we were truly feeling. We never once even slightly hinted that we felt insulted. Instead, we retreated to the idea that we had to be grown-ups and handle the situation with dignity and kill them with kindness... you know, all THAT crap. Seriously, what is going to keep them from stopping by unannounced again? What's worse, did we positively reinforce their bad behavior by acting like everything was okay when, to us, it SO wasn't?
Is this really what being an adult is all about? Grinning like a jackass when you really want to scream? 'Cause quite frankly, guys, hollering at another kid in the sandbox who was pissing me off felt a lot more effective back then.
I asked Chris' opinion on the situation and, in true Chris fashion, he just shrugged and said "The drama that ensues just doesn't seem worth it". Well, thanks Captain Indifferent, I now look like a crazy person. Is it so wrong to think that communicating how we truly feel, no matter how ugly, is better than unannounced visits and fake conversations with "friends" we secretly talk bad about? Even if said communication ended in hollering of the most epic redneck proportions, wouldn't it be better than all these "adults" walking around like idiots thinking their actions aren't pissing us off? Well, it would be to me.
And if you don't believe me, go back to 1993 and ask "Icky Nicole" about the hollerin' she got out of me at car riders when she stole my boyfriend. Bet she didn't skip home thinking everything was dandy... just sayin'.
I'm a very passionate person so, yes, I'm guilty of being verbally abrasive when the situation calls for it. Chris and I are by no means a silent couple when it comes to overcoming problems. The volume of our yelling is also not indicative of the magnitude of the fight, but more about frustration that we can't get our point of view across. We vowed never to go to bed angry and after almost 4 years together, I think we've done a damn good job. The key is that no matter how much we "holler" at each other, the goal remains the same: understand one another.
Armed with the logic that communication (in even its loudest forms)is beneficial, I'm starting to battle why this concept seems to be taboo within our other relationships. Of all my current group of friends, I've never once had an argument- much less one that involved a good holler. Does this mean I get along with them better than my own husband? It kind of feels that way if you think about it, doesn't it? But of course, that's ludicrous. No, what it is starting to feel like is that the lack of disputes in any form is a sign that we aren't communicating properly at all. I'm starting to wonder if my friends are really just people I enjoy time with rather than people I have a relationship with. This realization is sad to me. When did being an adult make me feel so... reserved?
Not too long ago we had an unannounced visit to our home from some individuals we do not particularly wish to see, especially without any warning. (Um, hello, manners much?). It was one of those moments where we were smiling and engaging in forced conversation all the while stealing glances at each other as if to say "what the hell are they doing here?!". After making snarky remarks and even attempting to bad mouth someone we actually ARE fond of, they finally left. Chris and I both shared a good rant about how overwhelmingly rude it was for them to not even at least call first before planning an unpleasant visit. The more we agreed with one another about the audacity of some people, the more I realized something even more unsettling than the visit itself: they were probably skipping home thinking their visit with us was wonderful and that we want them over more often! And why wouldn't they think that?! We never once made an attempt to let them know what we were truly feeling. We never once even slightly hinted that we felt insulted. Instead, we retreated to the idea that we had to be grown-ups and handle the situation with dignity and kill them with kindness... you know, all THAT crap. Seriously, what is going to keep them from stopping by unannounced again? What's worse, did we positively reinforce their bad behavior by acting like everything was okay when, to us, it SO wasn't?
Is this really what being an adult is all about? Grinning like a jackass when you really want to scream? 'Cause quite frankly, guys, hollering at another kid in the sandbox who was pissing me off felt a lot more effective back then.
I asked Chris' opinion on the situation and, in true Chris fashion, he just shrugged and said "The drama that ensues just doesn't seem worth it". Well, thanks Captain Indifferent, I now look like a crazy person. Is it so wrong to think that communicating how we truly feel, no matter how ugly, is better than unannounced visits and fake conversations with "friends" we secretly talk bad about? Even if said communication ended in hollering of the most epic redneck proportions, wouldn't it be better than all these "adults" walking around like idiots thinking their actions aren't pissing us off? Well, it would be to me.
And if you don't believe me, go back to 1993 and ask "Icky Nicole" about the hollerin' she got out of me at car riders when she stole my boyfriend. Bet she didn't skip home thinking everything was dandy... just sayin'.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Hi, Hiatus
I know, I know. It's been a lifetime since I updated! My attempt at a "series" of blog posts has failed miserably! I will be honest, I was at a crossroads with where I should go with the whole thing. I really was hoping to use my observations as a fun way to shine some light on all the yucky of Facebook. Surprisingly, I had an overwhelming response from my friends who did not want me to leave! They reminded me of all the great things about Facebook and how they enjoyed keeping up with me through my profile. It made me feel so good! I did some soul-searching and realized that anything can be positive and anything can be negative. It's all up to YOU how you perceive it. I decided that there were a few people that weighed me down and had so much negativity in their life that it was reflecting on me just by reading about it. Instead of denying the positive of Facebook, I simply de-friended those people (with the intention of nicely explaining to them my reasoning if they asked). So far, it has worked very well.
So now the conundrum: Do I continue with the reasons why Facebook can be negative? Or go on with my postings with my normal finesse and pizazz?
...of course, I always vote pizazz.
So now the conundrum: Do I continue with the reasons why Facebook can be negative? Or go on with my postings with my normal finesse and pizazz?
...of course, I always vote pizazz.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Reason #8: Your Mom Needs to S-T-F-U
*sigh*
The more I compose this list, the more I worry people will get the wrong impression of its purpose. My reasons for my Facebook negativity is completely personal; I cannot stress that enough. I want to be able to analyze my thoughts on the subject in a composed manner so I can make a decision about whether or not it can be a positive enough experience in my life despite its many flaws. I by no means want anyone to feel attacked or that I'm judging them in any form or fashion. Now that the disclaimer is over, allow me to proceed...
Tell your mom to STFU.
Ha, I kid, of course... well, sort of. (But if she doesn't know what "S-T-F-U" means, by the way, that just proves my point.) Somewhere between Facebook being open to everyone besides just college kids and the birth of Farmville *shutters*, middle-aged parents used their "index finger only" typing skills and made Facebook pages of their very own. Why do I loathe this with every fiber of my being? For the following reasons:
Nine times out of ten, our elders aren't even computer-savvy enough to even Facebook properly. How many hilarious screenshot fails have you seen where older people have posted incorrect or inappropriate things because of their failure to comprehend the difference between "messages" and "wall posts". Sure, it's funny... but then it just gets sad and annoying.
Oh, you're the one out of ten elders I spoke about that IS computer-savvy? Sorry, you aren't off the hook just yet. Another reason: just because you know HOW to Facebook, doesn't mean you are doing it properly. Proper Facebook etiquette (again, in my personal opinion) does not and should not ever include telling others how and why they should do certain things that they are revealing to you. If Jane Smith is having a "rocking party and is gonna get wasted" this weekend, that's Jane Smith's priority. If she is your real friend, you won't care anyway. If she isn't, then why the hell are you looking at her Facebook status in the first place? ...but I digress. The crime so many older people (particularly these people's parents) who have successfully navigated their way onto our Facebook pages are buzz-kill commenting and, well, shitting all over your good time. I literally had to block a friends' posts so that I couldn't read them because her dad would write 4 page comments reprimanding her for every little thing she did. Plus, this girl is 23 years old, dude. Not only was I experiencing some father/daughter drama just by reading her posts (awkward), I now want to strangle some strange man I've never even met before because frankly he is pissing me off. You aren't some cool parent getting let into the cool club by your kids because they accepted your friend request. You're just awkward. And annoying. Go away.
Now, with all THAT said, I do have some very well-behaved moms on my Facebook friend list so I by no means am talking about you guys. How do you know for sure? Because I actually am your friend on Facebook which means you've passed the test and aren't a party to either of the above scenarios I mentioned. You rock my world for beating the odds that are so stacked against you.
So there it is, reason numero ocho for wanting to be rid of Facebook entirely. See the hostility in my words just DESCRIBING the situation? Geesh. I'm going to take a much needed chill pill and contemplate my next rant.
Next up... Reason #7: Judge Not Lest Ye Be Blocked.
The more I compose this list, the more I worry people will get the wrong impression of its purpose. My reasons for my Facebook negativity is completely personal; I cannot stress that enough. I want to be able to analyze my thoughts on the subject in a composed manner so I can make a decision about whether or not it can be a positive enough experience in my life despite its many flaws. I by no means want anyone to feel attacked or that I'm judging them in any form or fashion. Now that the disclaimer is over, allow me to proceed...
Tell your mom to STFU.
Ha, I kid, of course... well, sort of. (But if she doesn't know what "S-T-F-U" means, by the way, that just proves my point.) Somewhere between Facebook being open to everyone besides just college kids and the birth of Farmville *shutters*, middle-aged parents used their "index finger only" typing skills and made Facebook pages of their very own. Why do I loathe this with every fiber of my being? For the following reasons:
Nine times out of ten, our elders aren't even computer-savvy enough to even Facebook properly. How many hilarious screenshot fails have you seen where older people have posted incorrect or inappropriate things because of their failure to comprehend the difference between "messages" and "wall posts". Sure, it's funny... but then it just gets sad and annoying.
Oh, you're the one out of ten elders I spoke about that IS computer-savvy? Sorry, you aren't off the hook just yet. Another reason: just because you know HOW to Facebook, doesn't mean you are doing it properly. Proper Facebook etiquette (again, in my personal opinion) does not and should not ever include telling others how and why they should do certain things that they are revealing to you. If Jane Smith is having a "rocking party and is gonna get wasted" this weekend, that's Jane Smith's priority. If she is your real friend, you won't care anyway. If she isn't, then why the hell are you looking at her Facebook status in the first place? ...but I digress. The crime so many older people (particularly these people's parents) who have successfully navigated their way onto our Facebook pages are buzz-kill commenting and, well, shitting all over your good time. I literally had to block a friends' posts so that I couldn't read them because her dad would write 4 page comments reprimanding her for every little thing she did. Plus, this girl is 23 years old, dude. Not only was I experiencing some father/daughter drama just by reading her posts (awkward), I now want to strangle some strange man I've never even met before because frankly he is pissing me off. You aren't some cool parent getting let into the cool club by your kids because they accepted your friend request. You're just awkward. And annoying. Go away.
Now, with all THAT said, I do have some very well-behaved moms on my Facebook friend list so I by no means am talking about you guys. How do you know for sure? Because I actually am your friend on Facebook which means you've passed the test and aren't a party to either of the above scenarios I mentioned. You rock my world for beating the odds that are so stacked against you.
So there it is, reason numero ocho for wanting to be rid of Facebook entirely. See the hostility in my words just DESCRIBING the situation? Geesh. I'm going to take a much needed chill pill and contemplate my next rant.
Next up... Reason #7: Judge Not Lest Ye Be Blocked.
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